I feel that the Covid 19 pandemic may be the root of many ills, I see news reports that it is having huge mental health issues with people and I tend to brush that off, but its really a problem we have to face or it may have some really adverse effects on us. I think I have become more sensitive to outside influence during my forced confinement, as someone on the at-risk register I have been shielded and isolated for over a year now. If asked I will tell you it has had no real effect on me, however, I think I may be lying to myself here.
I am more sensitive to outside pressures and I tend to inwardly reflect and stew on issues, you may ask why this has anything to do with a body of work? This is a good question that is hard to answer out loud. I have spent most of my life charging headlong at issues like a barbarian axman and wrestling them to submission, however, I find things making me ponder them too deeply and they tend to derail me.
I started BOW having completed DIC which was simply the best module of the whole degree, I had such a good relationship with my tutor who got me and encouraged me I was on a roll with a huge head of steam driving me on. I started BOW in the same manner and put a massive boost of energy into the first set of concept art that I submitted for A1 and went forward into A2 with the same energy.
Then my bubble popped, I have never deflated so fast in my life. I started exploring graphic novels as a way to express my vision and I ran headlong into … Well to be honest I am not sure what I ran into, it was absolutely disapproval, I want to say I fell foul of the feminist lobby or the woke agenda but I don’t think that covers it. my tutor and some of the group did not like the images I was creating because I was using the male gaze. The problem is I never worked out what I was supposed to do about it most of the suggestions were to change everything and swap out the men for strong women a bit like the latest Dr Who or to study the male gaze. So rather than encourage me it’s left me with the sails on fire with no clue how to proceed and no idea what I was actually meant to do to move forward and in a state of abject terror about moving forward in case I offend anyone and end up being strung up in the village square as a hateful misogynist.
Do you see where I am coming from when I said Covid lockdown has messed me up why I am thinking along these lines I have no idea, I do feel like I am being bullied into doing something different and I don’t understand what. I feel like there is a lobby that wants me to adopt a political cause that may be very valid but holds no interest for me, and to admit that would get me torn to shreds in the streets for being an awful person.